This whole summer I could not find a job at all. I applied everywhere, from every crappy fast food restaurants to retail stores, probably over 50 applications given with my additional resumes, could only get three interviews, and no job at all. So I applied for my summer courses which kept me somewhat busy. I started volunteering, also kept me somewhat busy. Then I asked my dad to buy me a bike, he did, it was fun, but got bored of it easily. So I tried to lose weight, gained a lot from watching way too much Television, but I didn't lose any. I would in one week lose 2 pounds and then gain them back again in the next week. I spent a lot on my credit card, bought 2years worth of magazine subscription, that I don't have any time to read them. Nothing really interesting happen to me this week, except that I finally admitted to myself that I am a atheist, but an existentialist. I have also decided to study for my LSAT, so I can write it next year's September. I also have decided to volunteer abroad, probably like in Africa or south America. But for now I have to write an essay on Sartre and study for my upcoming exams for next week's Friday, which I have not started yet. I have given up on applying to mediocre jobs that does not give me fulfillment in my life, I'd rather volunteer and read books than work for just money, that is why I quit my old job which was in a fast food restaurant. I hated it.
I recently went to a wedding of a friend I knew from high school. It was an arranged marriage, it happened in a beautiful mosque, the bride was beautiful and the groom was smart. The bride is beautiful and brilliant. A lot of people I know are getting married, arranged and not arranged. I find it very insecure. I don't want to get married at all, but I can't help feel the pressure, I'm afraid I'll decide to get married for the sake of not being in the bandwagon and I'm only 21yrs old. The truth is I don't want to ever get married at all, but I'm not making it permanently because I tend to change every year, I'm a fickle person, but I feel I'm becoming older as my opinions and morals are becoming harder and harder. As every choice I make I understand myself more and more, like as Sartre has said in the lines of the sum of all the choice a man makes is who he is. I paraphrased his quotes, he wrote in french. The truth is that is scary too, I don't want to get old because I have not experienced even 20 percent of it because of my limitations. I guess I have to change that now, but I have yet to find a way to change my situation.