It is still August 31, 2006. I just heard a good friend from highschool and known him since middle school just killed himself and his funeral was held this monday. I met him again three weeks ago in the store I worked and I had no idea he would do this to himself, just jump of a bridge. I thought you were a happy man, the last I saw him, his head was shaved with a mowhawk left. He came into the store with his mother happy and buying some dinner, and me trying to upsell you more food. I still remember him from the computer class in highschool where he told me soccer is italian for football. I dont know why I remember it but that phrase just reminds me of you and how confident you were in everything you did and said. Well that is what I believed anyways and thats what I will always believed about you and I still cannot believe that you killed yourself. I went through my highschool yearbook and there were so many kids that were the kind that would end up killing themselves but I had no idea Aaron you could be that one and I'm still writing as if you could be reading this post. I'm sorry I did not come to your funeral and I did not know you were dead, because I saw you three weeks ago cracking jokes with me and your lovely mother buying artery clogging food from me and out of kindness you also bought my suggestions. You were only 20 yrs old and I did not keep in touch with you, but I am going to miss you. Rest In Peace.

It is August 31st. The last day of august and my now 7 year old cousin's birthday. Me as usual sexually deprived in my room writing this blog wondering why did I not go to university that was far away from my parents and picked a university that is walking distance to my parents' house. I think I am a bit of a coward. But I console myself in saying to myself that it was an economically smart choice. And it is, I would rather live with my parents with a dysfunctional sex life for four more years than live with my parents for the rest of my life with a dysfunctional sex life. All of the men I have sex with, which is like 4 live with their parents and we all met in the internet. What a coincidence? I thought, but not really. In reality things are getting extremely expensive and we all have jobs that can't even pay a month's rent, but we do work hard. I suppose thats all I have to say why I still live my parents. The internet if anything has brought some kind of freedom to my life, which can be overwhelming in my life that I can't quite describe. I have met people who has become my friends or lovers in my life and I have never went into a bar in my own secrecy. My parents still think I'm a virgin and is hoping to get me married as soon as possible, but I have resisted it and have been in my position that I do not ever want to get married. For now they are respecting my position and their reasoning is that they will wait until finish my education. My plan after I get my degree is to get out of this god foresaken suburbia and travel as much as possible with no plan in sight.

Masturbation my first sexual act. I have tried it when I was 14 yrs old, well i fingered myself. Then I vowed to myself that would never do that to myself again, because I believed it was disgusting and the funny thing is I'm not even a catholic, I'm a freaking hindu. But then again all religions somehow find a way to repress the women. Anyways when I was 18 and with the access to the information in the tip of my fingers, I started to explore innocently. I started to watch porn and then I read some stuff about the clitoris and how to arouse it and where it was. I did not even know what clitoris was until I read it in the internet. and after I watched some gay porn my favourite kind i just lied on my bed and took my index finger and went into my very wet vagina. I nspected it and went a bit up in my cunt and found something bulging and i rubbed and then i stopped. I felt extreme tingle through my body. Then I went back in and then I stopped I just couldn't do it. Then in the morning I went back into my cunt and started dreaming about those men fucking each other. I went to that bulge which was my clitoris and rubbed it and my cunt got even wetter and held my other hand to the bed and I started to shake, I bit into my pillow and then I wet my bed. I stopped and I did not want to but I knew I had to or I would have screamed in the top of my lungs. My ears started ring and I went to the washroom and took a shower and my face was glowing and I was extremely happy. Thats when my life truly changed.

It is August 29th, 2006. Today I was suppose to meet a man that I met in the internet for sex. I have been talking to this man for over 6 months. And today was the day when I was supposed to be fucked by him. I was going to meet, but in the way I freaked out, I was extremely nervous and I went to the washroom and took the next bus. I am never usually freaked out only a bit nervous but never freaked out, this was my first time. Right now I am deciding if I should send him an e-mail telling him a lie that in the way I was mugged and I lost all my money and my non-existent driving license. Maybe I should lie and give him an e-mail and promise him later that i will meet him in the future, which I doubt will happen.


My love affair with the internet happened more than two years ago when I purchased my first computer. Before that I really had no interest in the internet or the computer because I never really had any privacy with the computer as I do now. The computer was always shared with my brothers and it was them who used the most. But when I got my first computer my hormones were running high too due to me loosing a lot of weight. I became increasingly horny and I did not have any boyfriends or any experience with a relationship. I was also a virgin at 18ys old. I wanted to have sex so badly that is when I turned to the internet. I was actually amazed by the internet and that was the first time I learned how to masturbated.

August 28, 2006

Hello to anyone who is interested in reading my posts. This is my first post and I have created other blogs in different blog sites but I have been so lazy or careless to continue it. I have no interest in keeping things longterms. I already have great ambitions for this Blog, but then again I always have great ambitions for every project I start and I end up loosing the interest for to continue it. For example, In my second year of university I joined the womens group to fight rights for women around the campus. I was all excited and the group already made me a executive. But then I suddenly stopped and my excuse to them was my course load got heavier and I have no time for them and they accepted it. The truth was I just did not care and my school work was getting heavier but i didn't really care for that either. My college GPA is currently at 2.08 and if I go down to a 1.60 the university is going to put me in Academic probation. Right Now I have no clue wat this Blog is going to be about, But I'll try to make it interesting as possible.